♥ Touchy Pt. II ♥

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Girl: Do i ever cross your mind? 
Guy: No 
Girl: Do you like me? 
Guy: Not really 
Girl: Do you want me? 
Guy: No 
Girl: Would you cry if I left? 
Guy: No 
Girl: Would you die for me? 
Guy: No 
Girl: Would you do anything for me? 
Guy: No 
Girl: Choose - me or your life 
Guy: My life 


The girl runs away in shock & pain & the guy runs after her & says... 
"The reason you never cross my mind is because you're always on my mind. 
The reason why I don't like you is because I love you. 
The reason I don't want you is because I need you. 
The reason I wouldn't cry if you left is because I would die 
The reason I wouldn't die for you is because I would live for you. 
The reason why I'm not willing to do anything for you is because I would do everything for you. 
The reason I chose my life is because you ARE my life." 

♥ Touchy ♥

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BOY: I love her more than the air i breath 
GIRL: well im always here for you. 
BOY: I know. 
GIRL:What's wrong? 
BOY: I like her so much. 
GIRL: Talk to her. 
BOY: I don't know. She wont even like me. 
GIRL: Don't say that. You're amazing. 
BOY:I just want her to know how I feel. 
GIRL:Then tell her. 
BOY: She wont like me. 
GIRL: How do you know that? 
BOY: I can just tell. 
GIRL: Well just tell her. 
BOY: What should I say? 
GIRL: Tell her how much you like her. 
BOY: I tell her that daily. 
GIRL: What do you mean? 
BOY: I'm always with her. I love her. 
GIRL: I know how you feel. I have the same problem. But he'll never like me. 
BOY: Wait. Who do you like? 
GIRL: Oh some boy. 
BOY:Oh... she won't like me either. 
GIRL: She does. 
BOY: How do you know? 
GIRL: Because, who wouldn't like you? 
BOY: You. 
GIRL: You're wrong, I love you. 
BOY: I love you too. 
GIRL: So are you going to talk to her? 
BOY: I just did. 

...

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...I am doing my best...

You are amazing.

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Don't misunderstood my kindness, I just realized its too stupid to stay being wrathful. I want to enjoy my life. But if you keep trashing me out, I can also kick your ass and get you out of my life.

I'm already doing great in my "think positive" principle. I can love who I hated before, but if you don't want it in return, then just tell it straight to my face than being bitchy over my new attitude.

I want to lead a(n) simple/amazing life with my one and only baby and also with those who I consider true friends. If you know you don't intend to be one of my friends. Then GET COMPLETELY OUT OF MY LIFE. Erase me on your fb, ym or whatever. I'd be happy to accept your stupidity. =)

Simplest way to show I care.

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I love you

How and what they think makes them who they are. Not who I am.

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"Reconciliation does not mean we submit ourselves to abuse and the cruelty and lack of response to others. Even Jesus told His disciples to avoid certain people." (Mathews 10:14)

Right now I don't mind if they don't care about me anymore. It won't hurt me as much as how it did before. If they blame me for their misery, I won't retaliate about it. But it wouldn't mean I would submit to their biddings and conditions.

Also, I would acknowledge the fact that, even though I deny so much, I still have this feeling of being 'concern' to them. It would be stupid for me if I said. "I won't care because they don't anyway"  because I know that I still do.

I'm not a bad person. Even if they say I do because I chose my happiness, ending up looking like a selfish brat as well, I don't care. At all. I'll let them.

How they think makes them who they are. Not who I am anyway. 

No more hard feelings.

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"Self is the only prison that can ever bind the soul." -Henry Van Dyke

Okay, so no more bad feelings. Feel happy. Stay happy. Be happy.

If others hate me. I don't give a damn anymore. Because right now, I don't want those kinds of feelings no more. It taints me as a person, and I don't want to die full of wrath. 

In truth, I pity those who hate without any reasons at all. Or should I say pointless hatred. Seriously. I've opened up my mind and felt nothing but disgust to myself when I too became such. 

All I want right now is a sound mind. Love and be loved. Happiness and enjoy every little thing God offers me. 

Challenged. Then so be it.
Hardship. I can go through it all. 

I don't want to waste all those efforts my baby, my family and my friends did to me. They've given me their full support. And I want to thank them back.

And the only way to do that is also to believe in myself I can do it, as much as how they trust in me.

Atashi mo gambarimasu!! ♥

Starting Anew. Rhima~ The Lost Tiger

"Think positively to attract positive things."

We learn through our past mistakes. Do I really know what that means?

Right now, I'm willing to acknowledge all my wrong doings and start anew. Somehow like one MAJOR CHANGE in my way of thinking. These past few years, I've been stupidly letting people step me, do as they please to me, and silently taking all that pain inside me. My friends keep on scolding me how "martyr" I am, and before, I would just be a sissy and laugh about it, letting things be. My baby tries to cheer me up too, he would always say, "You should fight back, no matter what, because you have me beside you". And gratefully, up till now, he says the same thing and keeps his swear to be always beside me. That I would thank you so very much.

3 years ago I have my own wounded pasts (and I still carry it with me, to serve as lesson for me) but I never let it bring me down that much before. During my high school days, I smile whole-heartedly in spite of everything. hardships come, but I greet them with smile. Suicidal, but often smiling. Again, another wrong doing. Nevertheless, at least I had a strong personality that binded me with my friends. That attracted them to me.

But over the years, I may have stopped being a suicidal, but it seems I became someone worst. A sissy, A coward. Self-sacrificing. It felt like I turned into someone I don't know. This was never me. The "martyr-introvert-whatever-hell-comes-IDC type".

College came and before I knew it, I lost myself. I lost "me". Different personalities stepping in out of nowhere. Betrayals, Lies, Love, Happiness and overwhelming experiences. Without any warnings I ended up putting a barrier between people. Only few have I opened myself. I turn myself into an anti-social and became an introvert, crybaby, possessive, and PARANOID.

It was hell to me. Who I though my closest turned me down. Who I thought my real friends despise me. Trusted people betrayed me. One important person left me. Leaving me alone and in despair. And one way or another, I was blinded with my foolishness and never saw those people who really cares for me.

Then they came. My baby, Rey Niel Morales, came back to me, loving me as much as I love him. Old friends who I thought forgot me, now are my best buddies. With frequent scoldings and show of loyalty, faith, trust, affection and support from these people. I realized slowly that I should have put my happiness on top of everything. In due time, I learn to love myself more than before. And little by little I open yet again my heart.

Took time and years pass, new friends came along too. Unhurriedly, my cheerful side came back. I learn to love and trust again, and those people return their friendship and love to me.These same people supported me along the way.

Along the way, I came into thinking:

"Why the hell would I care about people who wants to stop me from being happy because of their own selfishness?"

"Why would I care so much about the people who isn't willing to care enough for me in the first place?"

"Why would I bathe myself in hatred, when I have a lot of reason to love?"

"Why would I cry over people who isn't worth it now?"

"Why would I cry, when I have more reasons to laugh?"

And I realized I've come this far, why would I let anyone hinder me from attaining what God have offered me.

This was a long journey, indeed. Grateful, I'm gradually taking a good path for myself. I've come to my senses. Life is too short not to enjoy the fullest of it, said one of my dear friends. And she's right.

From this day on, as I mature bit by bit, I would love myself more, love the right people, care for those who are worthy and trust those only who earned it. I would never start a fight, but if I am challenged, I won't back out.

I may be cheerful, laid-back, (still a crybaby and worrywart) lady BUT don't judge me. For I might have claws already sharpened. Ready to take you on when God gives me the signal to.

Because right now, I am fueled up with courage to fight for my happiness and what is rightfully mine. 

NO ONE deserves to hurt me or anyone I love in particular!

I have always been protected and loved by these people. Now it's my turn to show them how thankful I am and how I've changed for the better.

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A letter for my baby

"God promises us Eternal Life, I swear to you Eternal Love"

♥ HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY DEAREST BABY REY NIEL MORALES ♥

♥ ♥ ♥ I LOVE YOU SO SO SO VERY MUCH!!! ♥ ♥ ♥

As far as I remember, you're the only man who ever loves me this deep, the only man who cares so much enough to change me for the better. You've done so many things for me, as much as I do to you. We've been through a lot, and because of this our bond grows stronger more and more each passing day. And I am very thankful to God that he have given me the blessing of being love by you.

I don't know how much time has passed, all I can remember is that everyday is perfect, just knowing that you're there loving me always.

I might not remember every detail of the days that I've spent with you, but I am aware of how precious it is for the two of us.
Laughing, crying, arguing, tripping, shopping and of course eating, and more!
As long as we do it together, everything is worth being cherished.

To me, you're my Sun.
One who never fails to illuminate my life.

To me, you're my Jewel.
Precious and one of a kind.

To me, you're my Wolf.
Strong, brave, possessive and protective.

To me, you're my King.
Delightful to serve and love you with all my heart, body and soul.

To me you're my Rey.
Loving, cute, sexy and irreplaceable!

Again.

♥ ♥ ♥ I LOVE YOU SO SO SO VERY VERY MUCH!! ♥ ♥ ♥

Nightmare Fiend

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This is the first time I've been freaked-out this much. I woke up after that dream nightmare and I got a panic attack. I cried so much, for almost half the day. And I didn't like the feeling - to be scared and to be so alone... I haven't had this kind of terrifying dream since the past few months, and this one really got me to hell!

Seeing the person you love the most die in front of you and all those scenes playing-out look so much like in reality doesn't really leave a good impression to a paranoid like me... it was so terrible... horrifying enough to allow me to succumb to fear itself.

Glad he was fine. That he perfectly made it home safe.

A confused person: Rhima~as an author

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Okay here goes my ranting.

So before, everyone knows but no one really notices that I tend to feel pretty worthless. And when I do, I try to prove something to myself by pleasing others. Moreover, even though it leaves me feeling even worse, I tend to do such a thing in order to make myself feel better. It's difficult to describe. Low self-esteem, perhaps? I'm not so sure either.

I'm having a problem with sheer motivation. I've been planning to continue all my fictions and fan fictions but I can't find myself enough to be inspired to continue writing. Furthermore, all the ideas I have in mind doesn't seem to be easily put into words. And I even forgot some of it to boot!

I do know, however, that the first step to a problem is identifying it. In the past few weeks I've been thinking about this. I've realized that the problem is when things irritate me, I just bottle it up and ignore them. I've even gotten to the point where it almost hurts inside.

I know that ignoring the problem won't fix it, but this is just how I cope up with my problems. Of course, I never forget to open it and ask for help, especially now that I have the person I love and trust the most - Rey Niel Morales, my baby. He's great in taking care of me and handling my personality as much as I do to him. However, it doesn't change the fact that this "inferiority complex" and "low self-esteem" I had since childhood can't easily be forgotten, specially when triggered.

And just now, wanting to continue as an author triggered it. *sigh*

Honestly, I am confused right now. I know I became a better person when I learned to love again. I know that I am special to him. I know I am never worthless again. I know I love myself more than before.

But right now, thinking over these little things stresses me out.

And how this became related to going back to one of my hobbies? I don't know.

Wishful Thinking

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Epiphone SG. Tell me. Oh tell me. How thy have captured my heart? hahaha

It's been 2months, going on 3, since I started playing and I kept imagining how I would look like with an electric guitar (beginner's of course) nyahahaha

I'm also wondering if I could really improve with my shifting - with bars and power chords and such. *sigh* Regardless, giving up is not in my vocabulary XD How I wish I could play well soon!!!!

And since the way I deal with my challenges is through endurance and patience, I believe I'll overcome this and get better. XP

Never.

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"There are things you cannot explain to yourself more so to others. Its line of intricate webs make it seem more complicated as it is. And as these vague contours continue to disperse, each carrying fragments of memories, slowly loses itself within this frantic world."

There are a lot of things that life cannot be assured of. Even when we expect it, sometimes it just won't happen the way we want it to be. However, efforts are exerted and hopes arises, and that's how we run our life. Fate can be a little cruel sometimes, its as though, it's rolling a dice and randomly, whatever comes out of it will be your future. Moreover, Life too, can be unfair, like as if it simply abandoned you. But as human as we can be, we must never give in. Even in despair moments and hopeless cases. We should never break in to sadness.

Especially when there's someone willing to push us hard behind.