Starting Anew. Rhima~ The Lost Tiger

"Think positively to attract positive things."

We learn through our past mistakes. Do I really know what that means?

Right now, I'm willing to acknowledge all my wrong doings and start anew. Somehow like one MAJOR CHANGE in my way of thinking. These past few years, I've been stupidly letting people step me, do as they please to me, and silently taking all that pain inside me. My friends keep on scolding me how "martyr" I am, and before, I would just be a sissy and laugh about it, letting things be. My baby tries to cheer me up too, he would always say, "You should fight back, no matter what, because you have me beside you". And gratefully, up till now, he says the same thing and keeps his swear to be always beside me. That I would thank you so very much.

3 years ago I have my own wounded pasts (and I still carry it with me, to serve as lesson for me) but I never let it bring me down that much before. During my high school days, I smile whole-heartedly in spite of everything. hardships come, but I greet them with smile. Suicidal, but often smiling. Again, another wrong doing. Nevertheless, at least I had a strong personality that binded me with my friends. That attracted them to me.

But over the years, I may have stopped being a suicidal, but it seems I became someone worst. A sissy, A coward. Self-sacrificing. It felt like I turned into someone I don't know. This was never me. The "martyr-introvert-whatever-hell-comes-IDC type".

College came and before I knew it, I lost myself. I lost "me". Different personalities stepping in out of nowhere. Betrayals, Lies, Love, Happiness and overwhelming experiences. Without any warnings I ended up putting a barrier between people. Only few have I opened myself. I turn myself into an anti-social and became an introvert, crybaby, possessive, and PARANOID.

It was hell to me. Who I though my closest turned me down. Who I thought my real friends despise me. Trusted people betrayed me. One important person left me. Leaving me alone and in despair. And one way or another, I was blinded with my foolishness and never saw those people who really cares for me.

Then they came. My baby, Rey Niel Morales, came back to me, loving me as much as I love him. Old friends who I thought forgot me, now are my best buddies. With frequent scoldings and show of loyalty, faith, trust, affection and support from these people. I realized slowly that I should have put my happiness on top of everything. In due time, I learn to love myself more than before. And little by little I open yet again my heart.

Took time and years pass, new friends came along too. Unhurriedly, my cheerful side came back. I learn to love and trust again, and those people return their friendship and love to me.These same people supported me along the way.

Along the way, I came into thinking:

"Why the hell would I care about people who wants to stop me from being happy because of their own selfishness?"

"Why would I care so much about the people who isn't willing to care enough for me in the first place?"

"Why would I bathe myself in hatred, when I have a lot of reason to love?"

"Why would I cry over people who isn't worth it now?"

"Why would I cry, when I have more reasons to laugh?"

And I realized I've come this far, why would I let anyone hinder me from attaining what God have offered me.

This was a long journey, indeed. Grateful, I'm gradually taking a good path for myself. I've come to my senses. Life is too short not to enjoy the fullest of it, said one of my dear friends. And she's right.

From this day on, as I mature bit by bit, I would love myself more, love the right people, care for those who are worthy and trust those only who earned it. I would never start a fight, but if I am challenged, I won't back out.

I may be cheerful, laid-back, (still a crybaby and worrywart) lady BUT don't judge me. For I might have claws already sharpened. Ready to take you on when God gives me the signal to.

Because right now, I am fueled up with courage to fight for my happiness and what is rightfully mine. 

NO ONE deserves to hurt me or anyone I love in particular!

I have always been protected and loved by these people. Now it's my turn to show them how thankful I am and how I've changed for the better.

✩ ✩ ✩